Parental Divorce/Separation and the Impact on Children
Written By: Jordan Westfall, LPC
Family dynamics and structure are key environmental factors in children’s development.
Research consistently shows that the quality of relationships, communication patterns,
and emotional regulation within a family can significantly impact a child’s behavior,
attachment, and mental health.
Healthy child development isn’t just about having a “perfect” family - it’s about having
consistent, responsive relationships. This becomes challenging when
parents/caregivers in a family separate, divorce, or when a parent/caregiver passes
away or is incarcerated. Divorce has become increasingly common amongst individuals
in the U.S. As of 2024, the U.S. divorce rate remains between 40% and 50% for first
marriages (Modern Family Law, 2025). Additionally, an estimated six million children in
the U.S. will experience the death of a parent or sibling by age 18 (National Alliance for
Children’s Grief, 2024). The stereotypical idea of what family dynamics/structure look
like is far from reality for many families.
Parental divorce/separation or parental/caregiver loss contributes significantly to child
and adolescent adjustment concerns, including academic and social difficulties. There
are also other significant losses for children/adolescents, including losing time spent
with each parent, losing economic and emotional security, and experiencing decreased
social and psychological development. All factors contribute to overall adjustment
concerns.
1. Loss of Time with Parent
Children/adolescents may experience decreased time with parents as parents adjust to
their new role as divorced adults. Parents/caregivers may experience decreased
emotional strength, therefore a decreased investment in their role as parent/caregiver.
2. Loss of Economic/Emotional Security
Children/adolescents may experience a loss of economic and emotional
security/stability due to parental divorce/separation. Children/adolescents may only see
one parent/caregiver on weekends, which may decrease their ability to create
meaningful and stable relationships with them. Children/adolescents may also have
weaker relationships with other family members, such as grandparents or aunts/uncles
due to the separation. Parents/caregivers may lose financial stability from the
divorce/separation, which also impacts children/adolescents.
, 3. Decreased Social and Psychological Development
Children/adolescents may develop a decreased sense of self and how to form
consistent/stable friendships and relationships with others throughout their
development. Children/adolescents may also want to isolate themselves from their
peers/friends as they experience emotional dysregulation with the adjustments.
So, what can parents do to support their children adjusting to the change in family
dynamics/structure? The best thing parents can do is let their kids know that any
emotion they are feeling is okay (Ehmke, 2024). Reassuring children/adolescents that
they are allowed to feel and express any emotions is important in building healthy
relationships with them. We as humans are naturally “fixers” and think that just because
children/adolescents are sad or mad, we need to make them feel better. Children feel
safer/more secure when they have a parent who listens to understand how they think
and feel, versus one who listens to respond. Another way parents can support
children/adolescents who are experiencing significant adjustments with
divorce/separation would be to provide a similar structure in both homes.
Children/adolescents may want to test boundaries within their new environments, so
keeping rules/expectations/routines similar can alleviate the uncertainty that comes with
the new family structure.
Seeking Additional Support
Seek professional help if you or your child/adolescent is struggling with the changes
family dynamics/structure to support your family in building and maintaining meaningful
connections together.
Additional Resource: https://childmind.org/article/supporting-kids-during-a-divorce/
