Understanding EMDR: A Compassionate Guide to How Healing Really Works

Written By: Cassy Schraft, LPC

If you have experienced trauma or felt stuck in a painful memory, you may have heard of Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing Therapy, often simply referred to as EMDR. Maybe you came across it in your own research, heard about it from someone who benefited from it, or had a therapist or medical provider recommend it as a way to support your healing journey.

But EMDR can seem confusing at first, especially because it looks and feels quite different from traditional talk therapy. So, let’s break it down to understand what EMDR is, how it works, and whether it might be right for you.

What Is EMDR Therapy?

EMDR is a structured therapy designed to help your brain process and heal from traumatic memories and distressing life experiences. What’s unique about it is that it uses your brain’s natural ability to heal to facilitate this process.

Just like your body knows how to mend a cut or heal a broken bone, your brain also has a built-in system for processing emotional pain. A lot of this processing happens during REM sleep, when your brain sends signals rapidly across both hemispheres. You might notice someone’s eyes moving back and forth during REM…that’s part of the healing process.

This is why you might go to bed feeling upset about something that happened that day and wake up the next morning thinking, “Why was I so upset about that yesterday?” Your brain was doing its job, processing and filing away that experience so that it no longer feels so emotionally charged.

But when something traumatic happens, either as a single overwhelming event (like a car accident) or through chronic distress (like ongoing childhood abuse or neglect), the brain’s natural coping system can get overloaded. The memory gets “stuck,” and it doesn’t process the way it should.

EMDR helps “unstick” those memories by using a technique called bilateral stimulation (typically in the form of back-and-forth eye movements, tapping, or alternating sounds) to engage both sides of the brain while you gently revisit aspects of the experience. This creates the conditions for the memory to be processed in a new, less distressing way.

How EMDR Works in the Brain

One of the reasons EMDR can feel so different from traditional talk therapy is that it engages the brain differently, because it’s activating its natural, built-in healing system.

EMDR uses something called bilateral stimulation (such as eye movements, alternating sounds, or tapping) to help both sides of the brain communicate more effectively. This mirrors what happens during REM sleep, when the brain naturally processes information, sorts through memories, and makes sense of emotional experiences.

During trauma, the brain’s normal processing often gets interrupted. Instead of organizing the experience into a coherent narrative, the brain may “freeze” the memory in a raw, unprocessed form — filled with overwhelming emotions, sensations, and negative beliefs like “I’m not safe” or “This is my fault.”

EMDR helps by gently stimulating the brain, encouraging it to reprocess these traumatic memories. This allows the brain to integrate the experience more healthily, reducing the intensity of negative emotions and helping clients develop more adaptive beliefs. Over time, this can lead to lasting relief from trauma symptoms and a greater sense of emotional balance.

What We Actually Mean When We Say “Reprocessing”

When we say EMDR helps you “reprocess” trauma, it’s not just a fancy term. It means the brain is revisiting and reorganizing the way it stores and understands difficult memories.

Think of it like a messy filing cabinet. After a traumatic event, memories can get stuck in a disorganized, overwhelming way; mixed up with strong emotions and sensations that don’t get sorted out properly. This can cause those memories to pop up suddenly or trigger intense feelings even when you don’t want them to.

Reprocessing is the brain’s way of taking those jumbled, raw memories and filing them away neatly so they no longer overwhelm you. During EMDR, the bilateral stimulation (like eye movements or tapping) helps the brain “unstick” these memories, encouraging it to process them fully. This helps you remember the event without reliving the intense emotional pain attached to it.

In short, reprocessing helps your brain make sense of trauma and move past it, allowing healing and growth to happen.

What is an EMDR session like?

EMDR therapy is organized into eight structured phases, each with a specific purpose. While the entire process spans multiple sessions, this phased approach ensures that you move at a pace that feels safe, supported, and tailored to your individual needs. You never dive straight into processing trauma. Depending on which phase you are working in will determine what your experience will look like.

Phase 1: History Taking and Treatment Planning

This phase looks a lot like a typical intake session. Your therapist will ask about your background, current symptoms, and areas of concern to develop a personalized treatment plan. This can take anywhere from one to three sessions.

Phase 2: Preparation

Here, the focus is on developing “resources,” which is EMDR lingo for coping tools to help you regulate emotion and manage distress. This might include guided visualizations, breathing exercises, or grounding techniques. You’ll also be introduced to gentle bilateral stimulation during this phase as a way to strengthen these tools. Depending on your needs, this phase can last a few sessions or several months.

Phase 3: Assessment

In this phase, you and your therapist identify a specific memory (called a "target") for reprocessing. You’ll be asked to focus on the worst part of the memory, the negative beliefs and emotions tied to it, and where you feel it in your body. This phase is about identifying your current responses to the memory, not about reliving your past. This phase typically takes a few minutes and serves to “activate” the memory for the session’s work.

Phase 4: Desensitization

This is what most people associate with EMDR. Bilateral stimulation is introduced while you focus on the memory. You may notice emotions, body sensations, or thoughts shifting as your brain begins to process the memory. Your therapist will guide you through multiple rounds of bilateral sets, checking in along the way, until your distress level significantly decreases.  This can last anywhere from a handful of minutes to multiple sessions to get to a neutral response.

Phase 5: Installation

Once the distress around the memory is reduced, the therapist helps you “install” a new, more adaptive belief using bilateral stimulation. For example, “It’s my fault” may shift to “I did the best I could.” This helps strengthen new, empowering connections in the brain.

Phase 6: Body Scan

While holding both the memory and the positive belief in mind, you’ll scan your body for any lingering tension or discomfort. Bilateral stimulation is used again to help resolve any remaining physical sensations.

Phase 7: Closure

Each session ends with grounding and debriefing. If processing wasn’t fully completed in that session, you’ll use the resources from Phase 2 to stabilize before leaving.

Phase 8: Reevaluation

At the start of your next session, your therapist will check in to see how you’re feeling about the memory. EMDR often continues to “work” in the brain between sessions, so this phase helps determine if further reprocessing is needed.

The Hot Potato Metaphor

Sometimes when I’m explaining EMDR to clients, I use an analogy of a hot potato. 

Think of your memory like a potato. On its own, a potato isn’t dangerous. Unless someone throws it at your head or you’re allergic, it’s pretty harmless. The same goes for memories. At their core, memories are just snapshots of events that happened in your life.

What makes a memory painful is the “heat” we associate with it. Negative beliefs like “I’m not good enough,” “It’s my fault,” or “I’m not safe,” or powerful emotions like fear, shame, anger, or grief are what contribute to our perception of a memory as traumatic.

When you toss a hot potato back and forth between your hands quickly, it might sting at first, but over time, the heat dissipates. Eventually, you're left holding a neutral, room-temperature potato. And that potato can’t hurt you.

EMDR works the same way. The bilateral stimulation, like the tossing motion, helps your brain gradually cool down the heat connected to the memory. You’re left with a memory that no longer hurts.

Who Can Benefit from EMDR

EMDR is used to treat a wide range of mental health concerns. While originally developed as a trauma treatment, it is beneficial to treat a wide range of mental health disorders, including depression, anxiety, phobias, obsessive-compulsive disorders, addictions, anger, sleep problems, chronic pain, and self-esteem issues.

EMDR is not just for adults; it can also benefit teens and children, even very young children, with appropriate adaptations. Many clients who have tried other therapies, such as CBT or DBT, report that EMDR helps them achieve deeper healing or relief from lingering symptoms.

While EMDR can be a powerful therapy, it's not the best starting point for everyone.

If someone struggles to stay emotionally regulated or maintain a sense of safety, they may need more time in Phase 2 (Preparation) before moving into trauma reprocessing. EMDR can bring up intense emotions, and it’s important to have adequate coping tools in place to navigate those safely.

It’s also essential to be in a clear, present mental state during EMDR. For this reason, EMDR should not be conducted while under the influence of alcohol or other substances. Being under the influence can interfere with your ability to stay grounded, tune into your body and emotions, and process memories safely and effectively.

Clients experiencing active psychosis, severe dissociation, or who have significant difficulty staying present may also benefit from additional stabilization work before beginning EMDR. Because the therapy asks you to notice your current thoughts, emotions, and sensations in real time, having those self-awareness skills in place helps make the work both effective and safe.

That said, many clients who initially need more preparation find that EMDR becomes a helpful part of their healing journey later on, once the foundation is in place.

Getting Started: What to Know Before You Begin

If you're considering EMDR or have been referred by another provider, you might be feeling hopeful, curious, or even a bit nervous. Maybe someone told you EMDR could be the key to resolving your trauma, and now you're eager to get started. That’s a completely valid place to be. 

At the same time, it’s important to know that EMDR is most effective when it’s introduced at the right time, with the right support, and by a therapist who is fully trained in the complete EMDR protocol.

One thing many clients (and even some referring professionals) don’t realize is that not all EMDR therapists are the same. EMDR is a highly structured, research-backed approach, and many therapists pursue additional training within it to specialize, whether that’s working with specific populations (like children or neurodivergent individuals) or specific issues (like dissociation or eating disorders). It’s not only okay, but encouraged, to ask questions about a provider’s training, experience, and how they apply EMDR in their practice. Doing so helps ensure you're receiving care that is ethical, safe, and aligned with your needs.

When you meet with an EMDR therapist, their job isn't just to confirm whether you’ve experienced trauma. They’re also assessing whether your nervous system is ready to safely process that trauma. This includes evaluating your current level of emotional regulation, your ability to stay grounded during distress, and whether your overall life circumstances are stable enough to support deeper therapeutic work.

This aspect of EMDR is something that many well-meaning referring professionals may not be fully aware of. While they may recognize EMDR as an effective trauma treatment, they might not be trained to assess readiness for it. So when a client meets with an EMDR therapist and is told they are not ready yet, that some foundational work is needed before processing can begin, it can sometimes result in feelings of discouragement or abandonment. Especially if EMDR had been framed to them by others as a quick solution to “cure” them.

But this isn't about gatekeeping or withholding care. Trauma processing (especially with EMDR) can be physically and emotionally demanding. Rushing into it without the proper groundwork can actually be harmful. In fact, the preparatory phase of EMDR can often be healing in its own right, building the skills and resilience needed to make trauma processing more effective when the time is right.

If you're not sure whether EMDR is the right fit, or whether a therapist is qualified to provide it, it’s absolutely okay to ask. And if a therapist tells you that you’re not quite ready yet (emphasis on yet), you have every right to ask what their plan is to help you get there. You deserve to feel informed, supported, and empowered in your therapy journey.

Misconceptions About EMDR

Despite growing awareness, there are still many myths and misunderstandings surrounding EMDR, both from those seeking the therapy and those referring to providers who offer it. Let’s clear a few of them up:

#1: EMDR is not a magic fix.

There’s nothing inherently magical about following a light with your eyes or holding buzzers that alternate back and forth. If that alone could resolve trauma, you wouldn’t need a trained therapist to guide the process.

EMDR can be incredibly effective, but it’s not instant, and it’s not passive. It requires your full participation…emotionally, mentally, and sometimes physically. The bilateral stimulation is just one component of a much larger, structured process that helps your brain do the deeper work of processing, integrating, and healing.

For many clients, EMDR brings faster or deeper symptom relief than traditional talk therapy. But like all therapeutic approaches, it works best when it's tailored to your needs and you’re ready to engage in the process. It is not the right approach for everyone.

#2: It is not hypnosis.

EMDR and hypnosis are fundamentally different. In hypnosis, you may enter a trance-like or highly relaxed state where you're more suggestible. EMDR, on the other hand, is conducted while you're fully awake, aware, and in control.

You are not being guided into a trance, and no one is planting suggestions in your mind. Instead, EMDR encourages focused attention (similar to mindfulness) on a specific memory, emotion, or physical sensation while using bilateral stimulation to support your brain’s natural processing.

At any time, you can pause, speak, move, or stop the session entirely. You are the one in charge of your experience.

#3: You can stop at any time.

There’s a common belief that once you begin EMDR, you must push through to the end of reprocessing, no matter what. This is simply not true. In fact, trying to do so could be harmful.

EMDR is always approached with safety in mind, and it is important to remember that you, the client, are always in control. This means you are empowered to stop in the middle of a session of reprocessing if it feels overwhelming; you can take a session (or 2 or 20) off to focus on other concerns or address your experience through non-EMDR interventions, or even step away from EMDR altogether if it's not feeling like the right fit. 

You’re never “locked in,” and a good therapist will always honor your boundaries and needs.

#4: It does not bring repressed memories to the surface.

EMDR does not aim to uncover hidden or repressed memories. It focuses on your current, conscious awareness, including your thoughts, emotions, body sensations, and beliefs related to an event.

Sometimes, as you process one memory, your brain may naturally connect it to other experiences you hadn’t previously considered related. But this is not the same as "recovering" repressed memories. EMDR is not designed—nor should it be used—as a memory-retrieval tool.

In fact, your therapist is trained to ensure that processing remains grounded in the here and now, and the goal is always to reduce distress, not to unearth long-buried trauma.

#5: EMDR does not force you to relive your trauma.

One of the biggest fears people have about EMDR is that it will force them to “go back” and relive their trauma. This is not the case. In EMDR, you are invited to recall the memory, but from the safety of the present moment.

Rather than becoming overwhelmed or “re-experiencing” the trauma, the goal is to gently activate the memory just enough for the brain to begin processing it differently. This includes noticing how it affects you now, namely how you feel in your body, what thoughts come up, and what emotions surface in the moment.

A helpful way to think about it: we are bringing the memory into the therapy room and placing it on the table between us so we can look at it together, not sending you back into the moment it occurred. You are not being asked, “How did you feel back then?” You are being asked, “How does this affect you now?”

#6: You are not just playing the trauma through like a movie.

Another common misconception is that EMDR involves rewatching a traumatic memory scene-by-scene, like a movie. In reality, that’s not how EMDR works (unless a specific protocol intentionally uses that method).

In EMDR, you're not trying to control the memory or narrate it step-by-step. You're allowing your brain to guide the process. That means noticing whatever arises—sensations, emotions, images, thoughts—even if it doesn’t seem linear or logical.

The work is less about “watching” the memory and more about being a mindful observer of what’s coming up. Trust that your brain knows how to move toward healing when given the space and support to do so.

#7: EMDR does not erase our memory.

One common myth is that EMDR erases or makes you forget the traumatic event altogether. This isn’t true. EMDR doesn’t make memories disappear; instead, it helps change how those memories affect you.

Think of it this way: EMDR helps you keep the memory but reduces the emotional charge and distress tied to it. After treatment, you might still remember what happened, but it no longer triggers intense fear, shame, or pain. The goal is not to erase your story but to help you feel safe and in control when you recall it.

This distinction is important because it respects the reality of your experience while promoting healing, allowing you to move forward without being overwhelmed by the trauma.

Final Thoughts

EMDR is not just about revisiting the past; it’s about changing how the past affects your present. By working through painful memories in a safe, structured way, EMDR gives your brain a chance to do what it naturally wants to do: heal.

Whether you’ve tried other therapies before or this is your first time considering counseling, EMDR offers a different path; one that honors your story while helping you move forward with less pain and more clarity.

If you’re curious whether EMDR might be right for you, our therapists and administrative team would be happy to answer any questions and help you explore what healing could look like in your life.