Why Are Therapists Obsessed With Teaching Us How to Breathe?
Written By: Cassandra Schraft, LPC
If you’ve ever been in therapy, odds are someone has told you to take a deep breath, or even walked you through a breathing exercise.
And odds are, you inwardly (or outwardly) rolled your eyes a little.
After all, we’re born knowing how to breathe. It’s automatic. Our brain handles it without us thinking (thank you, brain stem!) for keeping our heart beating, neurons firing, and lungs filling with air 24/7.
So if breathing is already on autopilot, why are therapists so obsessed with teaching us how to do it?
We get it. It sounds like the most cliché thing we could say in the therapy room (second only to “And how does that make you feel?”). But there’s real science behind breathwork. And not all breathing is created equal.
It might sound simple, even silly, but learning how to breathe on purpose can be surprisingly transformative. Stick with us as we unpack why breathwork is such a foundational tool in therapy, and how it might just change the way you feel the next time someone says, “Let’s start with a few deep breaths.”
The Psychology Behind Breathing
Here’s the deal: when therapists start with breathing, it’s not because we think you forgot how. It’s because of how tightly breathing is linked to your body’s response to stress.
Let’s get a little nerdy for a moment (promise it’s worth it).
At the center of this is your autonomic nervous system, the part of your body that runs on autopilot. It is responsible for controlling things like heart rate, digestion, and yes, breathing. It has two main branches:
Sympathetic nervous system: Think “fight or flight.” It gears you up to act.
Parasympathetic nervous system: Think “rest and digest.” It helps you slow down and recover.
Now meet the vagus nerve, a major player in the parasympathetic system. When you take slow, deliberate breaths (especially longer exhales) you stimulate the vagus nerve, signaling to your body: We’re safe. This shift is at the heart of something called polyvagal theory, which explains how our nervous system toggles between states like calm and panic based on cues from inside and outside the body.
But it’s not just your body that benefits. Your brain does, too.
When you’re stressed, your amygdala (the brain’s built-in alarm system) jumps into high alert, pumping out stress hormones. This often overrides your prefrontal cortex (the logical, decision-making part of your brain). The result? You feel hijacked. Reactive. Maybe even a little panicky.
Intentional breathing helps rebalance that power dynamic. Slow breaths calm the amygdala and help your prefrontal cortex come back online, so you can think clearly again.
This isn’t just theory. It’s foundational to many evidence-based therapies. Approaches like mindfulness, DBT, ACT, and Somatic Experiencing all use breath as a way to ground attention, regulate emotion, and stay present. Because sometimes, the fastest way to change how you think is to start with how you breathe.
So when your therapist says, “Let’s just take a breath,” it’s not a brush-off. It’s a science-backed way to help your system settle so deeper work can begin.
Why It’s the First Thing We Teach
So why do so many therapists come back to breathing, again and again, like it’s the holy grail of coping skills?
Well… it’s not magic. But it is kind of amazing.
Breathing Is a Gateway Skill
Intentional breathing is like the introvert’s power move. It doesn’t make a scene, but it changes the whole experience.
When you slow your breath, you’re telling your body, “We’re not in danger.” That message shifts you out of survival mode and into a state where reflection, curiosity, and healing are actually possible.
In therapy-speak, this is called “bottom-up regulation”: using the body to influence the mind. And when we create even a little bit of nervous system safety, we unlock the ability to explore harder topics, make conscious choices, and build insight.
It’s Always With You
You don’t need an appointment. Or a prescription. Or an app. Or even a quiet room (though it helps). Your breath is portable, free, and always available.
In moments of overwhelm, frustration, or numbness, it’s often the fastest way to create space between reaction and response. And that space? That’s where your power is.
Many People Need to Start With the Body
Not everyone is ready (or able) to “talk it out” right away.
For folks dealing with trauma, chronic stress, or just feeling disconnected from their emotions, verbal processing can feel impossible. That’s why therapists often start with the body.
Learning to breathe on purpose is a gentle, non-invasive way to reconnect with yourself. It builds awareness, tolerance, and trust. And over time, it opens the door to deeper emotional work.
It Builds Capacity for the Hard Stuff
Therapy isn’t just about insight—it’s about doing emotional heavy lifting. Exploring painful memories, difficult emotions, or long-standing patterns can bring up a lot, and if a person doesn’t have tools to regulate through that intensity, the process can feel overwhelming, ineffective, or even retraumatizing. That’s why we teach skills like breathwork early on. They help create a sense of internal safety, so when the hard stuff surfaces, you have the capacity to stay present, stay grounded, and actually do the work instead of getting flooded by it.
Breathwork Isn’t One-Size-Fits-All
If someone’s ever told you to “just take a deep breath” in the middle of a full-blown panic attack, you’ve probably wanted to scream into a pillow. Fair.
That kind of advice can feel minimizing (or just downright useless) when your nervous system is in overdrive.
So let’s clear up a common misconception: breathwork isn’t a single thing. It’s a toolbox. And different tools do different jobs.
Here are a few techniques you might encounter in therapy and what they’re actually for:
Box Breathing
Best for: feeling scattered, anxious, or overstimulated
How it works: Inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 4, exhale for 4, hold for 4. Repeat a few rounds.
This creates a steady rhythm and gives your brain something to focus on. It’s simple, grounding, and great for when you’re trying to calm your nerves before a meeting, settle down before sleep, or recover from feeling emotionally flooded.
4-7-8 Breathing
Best for: winding down, falling asleep, easing panic
How it works: Inhale for 4, hold for 7, exhale for 8.
This style slows your heart rate and signals your body to shift into “rest mode.” It’s especially helpful if you’re feeling anxious or tense and want to calm down quickly. It can feel a bit awkward at first because of the long exhale, so take your time easing into it.
Belly Breathing (a.k.a. Diaphragmatic Breathing)
Best for: calming nerves, getting out of your head, helping you slow down
How it works: Place one hand on your chest and one on your belly. Breathe in slowly through your nose, aiming to make the hand on your belly rise while the one on your chest stays mostly still. Then exhale slowly.
Belly breathing teaches you to breathe deeply using your diaphragm rather than taking short, shallow chest breaths, which is what we tend to do when we’re anxious or tense. It’s often the first breathing technique taught to kids, but it’s powerful for adults too. Bonus: lying down while doing it can make it easier to feel what’s happening in your body.
The Physiological Sigh
Best for: rapid stress relief or emotional release
How it works: Take a deep breath in, then a second, smaller breath on top of it, and then a long, slow exhale.
This is actually something your body does on its own during crying or sighing. Researchers have found it’s one of the quickest ways to regulate the nervous system in the moment. Try it when you feel overwhelmed, tense, or like you need to “shake something off.”
Alternate Nostril Breathing
Best for: mental fog, racing thoughts, needing balance
How it works: Close one nostril with your finger, inhale through the other, then switch nostrils for the exhale. Alternate sides for a few rounds.
This technique comes from yoga traditions and is often used to create balance and mental clarity. It’s great for moments when you feel mentally scrambled or want to reset your focus.
Other Techniques You Might Try
Not every breathing strategy involves numbers or structure. Some people find comfort in:
Counting exhales: Just gently count how long each exhale lasts, and try to make it a little longer than your inhale.
Breathing with movement: Match your breath to walking, stretching, or even gentle rocking.
Visual cues: Use a visual like a square or a circle and trace it with your eyes while breathing slowly.
Try different styles in calm moments first, not just in crisis. This helps your body learn what to expect, so when you really need it, the skill is already familiar. Different techniques suit different bodies and moments. And part of therapy is figuring out what works for you—like emotional first aid. (You wouldn’t put a Band-Aid on a migraine, right?)
Another myth? That breathwork should work instantly. And if it doesn’t, you’re “doing it wrong.”
Not true.
Just like lifting weights doesn’t build muscle overnight, breathwork is a practice. If your system is used to staying on high alert, slowing down might actually feel uncomfortable, or even unsafe, at first.
Here’s what to try instead:
Stick with it. Give a technique a minute or two before deciding it’s not helping.
Add movement. Walk, stretch, or sway if sitting still feels impossible.
Practice when you’re calm. Build the muscle before you need it.
Be curious, not critical. Ask: What did I notice? Not: Did this fix me?
The goal isn’t instant peace. It’s a growing capacity for regulation. Over time, it becomes second nature.
When Breathing Isn’t Enough
Look, we love breathwork. But even we’ll admit: it’s not a universal fix.
For some people (especially those with trauma histories) being told to “just breathe” can feel dismissive, oversimplified, or even triggering.
Why? Because trauma lives in the body. And sometimes, slowing down or turning attention inward can reawaken sensations that feel unsafe. Instead of soothing, breathwork might amplify distress.
This is where trauma-informed care comes in. It recognizes that every nervous system has its own history, and safety must come first.
If breathwork isn’t helpful (or even feels like too much), here are some alternative grounding strategies:
Orienting: Gently look around the room and name things you see, hear, or feel. Remind your brain: I’m here. I’m safe.
Movement: Walking, stretching, squeezing a stress ball—these help discharge pent-up energy.
Containment tools: Weighted blankets, warm shawls, gentle pressure—these can offer a sense of safety.
Vocal grounding: Humming, singing, or talking out loud—sound and vibration help regulate the nervous system, too.
Therapies like Sensorimotor Psychotherapy, Somatic Experiencing, and Internal Family Systems (IFS) offer additional tools that don’t rely on breath as the entry point. These approaches trust the body’s signals and prioritize safety above all.
Final Breath
So, are therapists a little obsessed with breathing? Maybe. But it’s not a gimmick. It’s one of the most accessible, powerful tools we have for regulating the nervous system, building emotional awareness, and starting the deeper work of therapy.
It’s not about “fixing” you. It’s about helping you feel more connected, more capable, and more present—one breath at a time.
