How to Support Your Child in Therapy: 13 Do’s and Don’ts Every Parent Should Know

Written By: Cassy Schraft, LPC

Watching your child struggle and not knowing how to help is one of the most painful experiences a caregiver can face. If you’ve taken the step to get your child into therapy, please know that this is an act of love, courage, and commitment. Asking for help isn’t always easy, and doing it for your child often comes with a unique mix of hope, fear, and uncertainty.

As therapists who work with children, we understand that therapy might not look the way you expect. Children process emotions, build relationships, and grow in ways that are very different from adults. That can sometimes leave parents wondering: Is this working? What should I be doing to help?

To support your child most effectively, here are some key Do’s and Don’ts to help guide you through the therapy process, grounded in what we wish every caregiver knew.

1. DO: Understand that Building Trust Takes Time

Every child builds trust at their own pace. For many, especially those who are shy, anxious, or have experienced trauma or stress, that process can take time.

Therapists are strangers at first. Some kids are naturally more open and form connections quickly, while others need multiple sessions before they feel safe enough to engage. This isn’t a sign that something is wrong, it’s simply how relationships work. One of the best ways to build trust with children is through play. That’s why, in early sessions, you might hear your child say things like, “We played Candy Land,” or “We watched a video.” And that’s okay.

Play is not filler. For children, play is their language. Through games, art, and movement, therapists gather crucial information: how your child expresses emotion, how they handle frustration, how they problem-solve, and how they relate to others. A game of Uno might reveal more about your child’s coping skills than an hour of conversation ever could.

So if it feels like “just playing,” trust that it’s intentional. Before a child can open up or work on tough topics, they need to know that the space is safe – and building that safety takes time.

2. DO: Have Developmentally Appropriate Expectations

Children are not miniature adults, and their therapy sessions are not going to look like adult talk therapy. Many caregivers come in hoping their 7-year-old will sit still and reflect deeply on their emotions, talk about their “purpose,” or solve complex interpersonal challenges. But developmentally, most kids simply aren’t wired for that kind of self-reflection yet.

Instead, therapy for children often includes play, movement, creative expression, and imagination. These approaches meet children where they are and allow them to express things they may not yet have the words for.

It’s also important to remember that certain behaviors are age-appropriate. Expecting a 6-year-old to never have a tantrum, or a 10-year-old to regulate their emotions like an adult, sets everyone up for frustration. Therapy won’t eliminate normal developmental challenges, but it will help your child navigate them more effectively, and with greater support.

Progress may not look like deep conversation. It may look like your child learning to pause before yelling, or choosing to take a break instead of melting down. Those small wins are often signs of big internal shifts.

3. DO: Be Involved

We need you! Therapy is not a drop-off service – it’s a partnership. While your child may be the one in the session, your role as a caregiver is crucial.

We need your insight. Kids aren’t always reliable reporters of their own experiences. They may leave out details, misunderstand situations, or lack the language to describe what they’re going through. As the adult who knows them best, you help complete the picture. Your perspective on what’s happening at home, in school, or in other settings helps guide the direction of therapy and ensures that we’re working on the most relevant concerns.

Your involvement matters outside of sessions too. Children often don’t have the developmental ability to independently apply new coping skills, routines, or behavior changes on their own. They need reminders, modeling, and reinforcement in their daily lives. This means they need you. When caregivers are engaged and aligned with what’s happening in therapy, progress tends to be more consistent and long-lasting.

Being involved doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong – it means you’re an essential part of your child’s healing process.

4. DO: Understand the Importance – And Limits – of Confidentiality

One of the most important elements in therapy, especially with kids, is confidentiality. Children need to feel safe enough to talk about hard things, and they’re less likely to do that if they believe every word will be reported back to a parent.

That said, we absolutely believe in caregiver involvement and collaboration. You will always be informed about major concerns, safety risks, or skills we’re working on. What you won’t always get is a detailed play-by-play of what was said in session. Instead of saying, “Your child talked about how angry they are that you enforce consequences,” a therapist might say, “Today we explored how they respond to frustration and authority figures.” The content is still communicated, but in a way that protects the child’s trust while keeping caregivers informed.

It’s also important to understand that therapists are legally bound by HIPAA and other privacy laws. That means we can only communicate with individuals who are authorized. A step-parent or grandparent may be closely involved in a child’s life, but unless they’re listed on the consent paperwork or have legal rights to access information, we’re not able to speak with them about the child’s care. We’re not trying to be difficult – we’re simply following the law.  Making sure that Releases of Information are completed for any caregiver or adult  involved in your child’s therapeutic care can help make communication easier and ensure everyone stays informed.

If you ever feel out of the loop, it’s okay to ask. Therapists want open communication with caregivers, too. We just walk a careful line to ensure trust is preserved on both sides.

5. DON’T: Worry That Your Parenting Is Being Judged

It’s incredibly vulnerable to invite someone into your child’s emotional world. Many caregivers worry that their child’s struggles reflect poorly on their parenting. But that couldn’t be further from the truth.

We know you’re doing your best. We also know that parenting doesn’t come with a manual, and even the most well-intentioned caregivers sometimes need different tools.

When therapists offer parenting strategies, co-regulation tips, or behavior plans, it’s not a judgment – it’s a way to help. Our goal is to support you so that you can feel more confident, more equipped, and less alone.

You don’t have to be perfect. You just have to be open.

6. DON’T: Be Deterred When Progress Is Not Immediate

You may have heard the phrase, “Sometimes things get worse before they get better.” With kids in therapy, this is often the case.

Therapy can stir up big feelings. As children begin to explore difficult emotions, face new expectations, or respond to parenting changes introduced in therapy, behaviors may temporarily escalate. You might see more defiance, increased meltdowns, or pushback as they start to process uncomfortable topics or adjust to new limits.

This doesn’t mean therapy isn’t working. In fact, it often means meaningful work is happening. Change is hard, especially for kids who have relied on certain routines or coping strategies (even unhelpful ones) to get through the day. Disrupting that pattern can lead to temporary regression before growth emerges.

We encourage you to stay the course, stay consistent with expectations and boundaries even though it can be hard, and bring your concerns into the therapy space. Processing these challenges is part of the therapeutic journey – not a sign it’s failing.

7. DON’T: Expect Perfection

A common misconception is that therapy ends when everything is “fixed.” But perfection isn’t the goal – resilience is.

The reality is that life is hard. Kids, like adults, will continue to face obstacles, frustrations, and setbacks. The role of therapy isn’t to eliminate every challenge, but to help your child build the tools to navigate them more confidently.

We often hear caregivers say they’re afraid to end therapy, even when goals have been met. We understand that! When therapy has made a difference, letting go of that support can feel scary. But part of our job is to help your child build self-efficacy and reduce dependency on therapy.

Staying in therapy longer than needed can, in some cases, hinder development. It may unintentionally send the message that your child can’t cope with anything without professional help – when in fact, they may be ready to use the support of family, teachers, mentors, or peers instead.

It’s okay to graduate from therapy when the time is right. That’s something to be proud of.  We’ll always be here if something comes up down the road where returning to professional support would be beneficial.

8. DON’T: Be Surprised If Your Child Isn’t Always Honest in Therapy

It’s not uncommon for a child to sit down and tell their therapist, “Everything is fine,” even when we know it’s not. They may minimize concerns, leave out key details, or even deny things altogether. This can be frustrating, but it’s important to remember that it’s a normal part of the process.

This isn’t because they’re manipulative or trying to be difficult. Children lie or withhold information for many reasons: fear of getting in trouble, people-pleasing, shame, or simply not having the insight or language to explain what’s really going on. Sometimes, they don’t fully understand their own feelings or the situations they’re facing, which can make it hard to open up.

As therapists, we expect this behavior and never take everything at face value. That’s why your input as a caregiver is so important. Without your context and perspective, we may be operating with only part of the picture, which can impact how effective therapy is.

We’re not here to “catch” your child in a lie or to discipline them for withholding information. Our goal is to understand the full story and create a safe space where your child feels comfortable sharing over time. Your voice helps us bridge the gap between what your child shares and what’s actually happening, so we can offer the best possible support and guidance.

9. DO: Remember That You are Still the Parent

Therapists are here to support you and your child, but they’re not a substitute for parenting. Sometimes, when caregivers feel overwhelmed or unsure, it’s tempting to hope the therapist will take on the harder roles: enforcing rules, correcting behavior, setting boundaries, giving consequences, or guiding big life decisions.

But therapy isn’t about taking your place. It’s about equipping you with tools and strategies to feel more confident and supported in your role. We may offer parenting insights, help you make sense of challenging behaviors, or provide new approaches – but the day-to-day relationship, guidance, and structure still need to come from you.

We know it’s not easy. Parenting through emotional or behavioral challenges can be draining and discouraging at times. But you are one of the most important parts of your child’s healing process. Your presence, consistency, and willingness to stay engaged, even when it’s tough, make all the difference.

Therapy works best when it strengthens your connection with your child, not when it tries to replace it.

10. DON’T: Weaponize Therapy

One of the most heartbreaking things we see as therapists is when therapy is used as a punishment – or worse, taken away as one. It’s more common than you might think: a child misbehaves at school, forgets to do their chores, or talks back at home, and suddenly their therapy session is canceled as a consequence.

Therapy is not a reward for good behavior, nor should it be withheld as a form of discipline – it’s a healthcare service. When a child is struggling emotionally or behaviorally, taking away their access to support only reinforces the message that they’re unworthy of help when they need it most.

We wouldn’t cancel a doctor’s appointment because a child didn’t clean their room. We wouldn’t withhold insulin, an X-ray, or antibiotics because they were grounded. Mental health deserves the same respect.

What may seem like a small decision – canceling one appointment – can have a big impact on the therapeutic relationship. It can undermine trust, delay progress, and teach kids that help is conditional. Therapy should be a consistent support, especially during the times when your child is having a hard time – because that’s exactly when they need it the most.

11. DON’T: Surprise Them With Therapy

We know it can feel uncomfortable to bring up therapy, especially if you’re unsure how your child will react. But when a child walks into a therapy session they didn’t know was happening, without any prior explanation or context, it rarely sets things up for success.

In many of these cases, the caregiver has thoughtfully taken all the necessary steps: making the call, scheduling the appointment, signing the paperwork. But the child, having no idea what’s going on, is suddenly in a new space with a new adult and may not understand why they’re there. That lack of preparation can lead to feelings of fear, confusion, mistrust, betrayal, or even resistance.

We’ve had many children assume they’re in trouble or believe the therapist somehow called them in – because, in their minds, that makes more sense than thinking their caregiver arranged this without telling them. And just like that, the therapist is the bad guy (you can imagine what a great start to therapy that is: trying to convince a child it wasn’t our idea for them to come in – we don’t even know who they are! – and that we’re actually really nice!).

Instead, give your child some notice. You don’t need to go into overwhelming detail – something as simple as, “I’ve noticed things have been hard lately, and I think talking to someone might help,” is enough. Kids do better when they feel prepared and respected, even when the situation is new or uncomfortable.

12. DO: Your Best with Consistency Outside of Session

What happens in therapy is important, but what happens between sessions is often where the real change takes root.

Children need consistency to learn and apply new skills. That means following through on boundaries, using the strategies discussed in therapy, and helping them practice those skills in real-world situations. For younger children especially, this often looks like modeling, prompting, and gentle reminders.

We understand that life gets busy and that every day won’t go perfectly. But even small, consistent efforts to reinforce therapy concepts, like encouraging a calming strategy or praising an emotional check-in, can make a big difference over time.

The more therapy becomes integrated into everyday life, the more progress your child is likely to make.

13. DO: Remember That Your Own Mental Health Matters, Too

Supporting a child through emotional challenges can be draining – emotionally, physically, and mentally. If you’re feeling depleted, overwhelmed, or alone, you are not failing. You’re human.

Your mental health matters just as much as your child’s. The truth is, kids do better when their caregivers are supported, too.

Whether it’s through therapy of your own, connecting with a support group, carving out time for rest, or simply doing something you enjoy – you deserve care, too. Not just so you can keep showing up for your child, but because you’re worth it in your own right.

In Closing

Therapy isn’t a quick fix – it’s a process. One that’s built on trust, teamwork, patience, and understanding. And while your child may be the one in session, your role in their journey is absolutely essential.

Your presence matters. Your support matters. And your willingness to show up, even when it’s messy, is one of the most powerful things you can offer.