Navigating the Complex Terrain of Parasocial Relationships
Written By: Cassy Schraft, MSEd, LPC, EMDR
Parasocial relationships
No, despite the name possibly conjuring up images of relationships between ghosts and goblins, this has nothing to do with supernatural entanglements. Rather, it’s a phenomenon that often goes unnoticed, but its implications can be profound. Parasocial relationships are one-sided connections where one party invests their energy, time, and interest in another who remains blissfully unaware of their existence. This concept manifests itself in our fascination with celebrities, athletes, public figures, influencers, and other media personalities. The rise of social media has only amplified the prevalence of these one-sided bonds.
It is essential to remember that parasocial relationships are not inherently good or bad. They’re simply a type of connection that exists in our media-driven world.
The Fan’s Perspective
Personally, I have my own list of celebrities, athletes, and YouTubers that I have a particular interest in (and yes, a handful of celebrity crushes, as well). I follow their careers more closely than any other individual. My investment in their lives and careers has led me to knowledge about them that may not always be widely known. I can rattle off their sports statistics from memory, I may even go out of my way to watch a TV show or movie simply because they are in it, and I get notifications from YouTube when they upload a video.
In a nutshell, I’m a devoted fan! Fandoms serve as one of the most common manifestations of parasocial relationships in our society.
However, it is vital to acknowledge that despite the depth of my knowledge about these media personalities and my profound appreciation for their work, they know absolutely nothing about me. They don’t know anything about my interests, my likes and dislikes, my greatest fears, or my goals for my future. They don’t know when I celebrate my birthday, my pet’s name, or the title of my favorite book. They do not know I exist.
Likewise, despite the trivia I can spew about them, I don’t truly know who they are as people, either.
The Fine Line
This type of relationship often creates a deceptive sense of intimacy. While there are plenty of healthy parasocial relationships that provide inspiration, education, and entertainment, it is the viewer’s intent and the way they invest their time that determine whether it is a positive or negative experience. Consuming content with a positive intent that enriches our lives and supplements our day is the hallmark of a healthy parasocial relationship.
However, the danger lies in how easily these relationships can turn toxic. Unhealthy obsessions can develop, leading to situations where celebrities like Taylor Swift, Justin Bieber, and Lili Reinhart have faced stalkers.
The Slippery Slope
To understand the impact and transformation of parasocial relationships, we must dissect how they can evolve from healthy fandom to a toxic hold in our lives:
Emotional Consequences: Some individuals may experience loneliness when they are not consuming content, isolation from real-life relationships to focus on the parasocial relationship, and a distorted sense of reality, believing the celebrity to be a close friend or potential romantic partner.
Escapism: For those who struggle with interpersonal relationships, a parasocial relationship can provide an escape from the complexities and discomfort of making real-life connections.
Unrealistic Standards: Parasocial relationships can set unrealistic standards for relationships, body image, and lifestyle. Toxic relationships are paraded as “relationship goals,” unhealthy beauty expectations thanks to filters and photoshop are the standard for all, and luxurious homes and frequent international vacations are promoted as the expectation for the average person.
Financial Impact: People may overspend on products endorsed by their idols or make luxury purchases beyond their means to emulate their favorite media personalities. They may spend excessively on merchandise or membership platforms to feel more connected to them.
Misinformation: Blind trust in media personalities can lead to accepting their endorsements, even when they promote harmful or baseless ideas and products, contributing to societal problems.
Identity Crisis: Some individuals may lose their sense of self, adopting the traits and opinions of their media idols to an unhealthy degree.
Obsession: Extreme fixation can lead to delusions of a romantic connection or even violent intentions towards celebrities or others who “threaten” their relationship.
Parental Awareness
Parents should be vigilant for signs of unhealthy parasocial relationships in their children. Warning signs to look out for that may indicate a child has an unhealthy parasocial relationship with their favorite influencer, YouTuber, or streamer include:
Excessive Isolation: Increased time spent consuming media content alone.
Emotional Overinvestment: Displays of intense emotion in response to the content or inability to consume content. Intense defensiveness or strong reactions to any criticism or negative opinions about the media personality.
Withdrawal from Real-Life: Prioritizing parasocial relationships over real-life connections, including extracurricular activities and hobbies they previously enjoyed.
Obsessive Behavior: Constantly checking for updates, discussing them excessively, and emulating the media personality’s actions.
Neglecting Responsibilities: Decline in academic performance or neglecting chores due to content consumption.
Mood Swings: Unstable emotion reactions related to events involving the media personality.
Excessive Spending: Overindulging in merchandise, subscriptions, or products endorsed by the celebrity.
Secretiveness: Attempting to conceal the extent of their media consumption and emotional investment.
Inconsistent Self-Image: Notable shifts in self-identity to mimic the personality traits or appearance of the media personality.
Sleep Disturbance: Disruptions in sleep patterns, such as staying up late to consume content.
Breaking Free
Leaving an unhealthy parasocial relationship takes time and effort. Here are some steps to disentangle from them:
Label It: Acknowledge the relationship as parasocial and understand its negative impact on your life and other relationships. The first step to addressing a problem is admitting it is a problem.
Limit Social Media: Set boundaries by reducing screen time related to the media personality. Consider unfollowing or unsubscribing from their social media accounts. In some cases, blocking or deleting may be beneficial.
Focus on Other Interests: Rediscover and nurture other hobbies and activities. Pursue new interests.
Prioritize Real-Life Relationships: Invest in connections with family and friends, rekindling neglected relationships.
Journal: Write down thoughts and feelings about the parasocial relationship and ending it. This can help process the relationship, be a healthy outlet to express emotions, and gain important insight.
It Is Okay to Let Go: Recognize that stepping away does not mean betraying or being disloyal to the media personality; it’s a step towards personal growth.
Consider Therapy: Seek professional help if needed to build social skills, address anxiety, and create meaningful relationships.
In Closing
The distinction between positive and negative parasocial relationships hinges on their impact on our well-being. Healthy parasocial connections inspire growth, while unhealthy ones lead to distress and interference in our lives. Striking a balance between these virtual bonds and real-life connections is crucial to ensuring they contribute positively to our lives.
